Wednesday 24 February 2016

WTF Youtube

This is not a movie review, Consider it a moan and groan,  I just felt the need to express my anger towards this problem. As we all know you can watch most if not all of your favourite stuff on YouTube from Movie and game reviews to re-dubs of your favourite shows and surprisingly most people make a living from making videos using ads on there videos, NOW I'm not gonna act like i love how easy these people got a job and yet i can't get one, possibly because I'm jealous that i cant do what they do, BUT to take down there channels because they infringe copyright laws WHEN they aren't (Parody/Satire and Critique are allowed), SO I hear you bellowing from the dark recess's of the internet, if we don't fight back YouTube will be extinct, Part of me fears the Sopa/Pipa/Poopa act is trying to come back into play. These of-course will turn the internet into a place of rules and regulations. THAT is not the internet, its a place of free speech, like me for example I rip apart movies on a semi weekly basis doesn't mean i don't respect the film makers ... well Ok maybe not on everything the Pokemon movies, though some of them bad I can still enjoy the animation ... MOST of the time (CGI is in excusable sometimes, 4ever I'm looking at you) But if you took away that then the internet will be a harrowed place. Now with Team4 Star being thrown out of the YouTube loop, though I never watched much of their videos I enjoyed the ones I did see. Just shows how fragile Youtube is, feels like some executive has YouTube by the balls, this needs to stop before YouTube disappears forever

Its days feels numbered ...

RANT OVER, its great being a Blogger try taking this down youtube

Tuesday 23 February 2016

Pokemon - 5Ever The Movie

OMG This movie sucks the big one, it may be the worst Pokemon movie I have ever seen, out of 18 this is saying a lot. Now i know what you'll all be saying, BUT DAN this movie is for kids, well funnily enough people of the Internet I saw this movie ... when I was a kid, oh the horror. It sucked then and it sucks now.I will gladly rip into this half arsed attempt at a Pokemon movie. OH MAN this movie though, its just UGH, right after the epicness of Pokemon the Movie 3 and the amazingness of 2000. IT ANNOYS ME SO MUCH ... So what's the story I hear you wailing louder than a Wailmer. let me begrudgingly tell you.

Even the poster for it looks boring, that tagline though 'Best Friends, Better Heroes' ... Ugh

Celebi a time travelling ... alien onion, I guess. Is being chased through this massive unarmed forest, which to me i always thought it was the Ilex forest, hey its where you saw the shrine, it makes sense. A hunter armed with a bad ass Scyther and Houndoom is after Celebi, for money. He runs into a young man named Sam .. or Sammy, or f***** professor oak before his professor licence, he time travels to ... THE FUTURE, Roll intro, to be fair his battle against some guys Croconaw is probably one of the best parts of the movie, but that's a stretch. The intro song comes on and ... that's what I forgot to mention last time, although the movie sucks the intro song always gives me chills in a good way, the jazzier upbeat remixes of the originals, I love that but I digress. Ass ... ash, that's his name now, Almost misses the boat they were getting out of this movie. he makes it .... yay and eye spies a crappy CGI SUICUNE, one of the legendary trio of Johto, WHICH he saw on one of the first episodes of the johto series, when he had a cool team, (Chikorita,Bulbasaur, Totodile, Cyndiquil, Heracross and Pikachu) Yanno that always annoyed me, someone told me that the movies aren't canon .... but why not? surely if they take part in the same universe then it should be canon regardless, Whenever he saw a legendary in the show he was like ' Whose that Pokemon?' ... well Ass that's a lugia, you rode one in the second movie, remember?

See Croconaw is a bad-ass, one of the ONLY highlights throughout this atrocity to Pokemon

He is taken to this weird ewok pre fortree city when SAM from before arrives IN THE FUTURE, We discover that a hunter, albeit a pretty badass one who works for team rocket turns up threatening the hunter from before on the location of Serebii, He shows off his bad ass dark ball and catches the tyranitar ... a rather pussified looking Tyranitar (When I always saw this Pokemon it just reminded me of Godzilla or something) he catches it and it becomes Eeeeeeeeeeeevil or dark whatever I never understood it tbh BUT HEY, give them credit for actually making a bad guy capture Pokemon instead of lazily throwing a net over it. He is given the location of Celebi and heads over in his ... weird spider mech ... Id question it but ive seen weirder things that jessie james and meowth have made so whatever. Meanwhile Ass and friends meet up with Sammy and find CERUBII, They try and befriend it and all that crappy stuff that when you watch a Pokemon movie you don't want to see, its that dumb interaction with a cute legendary WHICH in all fairness it cant talk besides say BEEEE over and over, I mean it is psychic I would accept it to talk. which later in the series of movies ANY god damn legendary can talk (Kudos for not making Palkia, Dialga or Giratina talk, Arceus i can understand, he is god after all)

Ok maybe this is another cool scene, SO BADASS :C

The Team Rocket hunter now being called the Iron Masked Marauder ... yeah its a dumb name I know, decides F*** this lovey dovey shit, that there Celebi is mine, they fight him and its kinda cool to see an early poke ball from Sammy, Charmeleon and Bayleef square off against a Scizor and Sneasel and To be fair, its a pretty decent battle, HEY with a movie being void of ANY DECENT BATTLES, its nice to see some action every now and then. Iron masked dick sauce catches Celebi in a DARK ball and proceeds to show off its power, OH GAWD, the cgi in this in horrific, I know they had it in the previous movies like 2000 with that dudes airship and Molly's weird flower power castle in 3 but they just worked OK, This however is just .... ugh horrible, the problem I felt was it felt like a really long episode, not a movie and the CG Suicune was just horrific, He forces Celebi to make a weird nest thing and claims Celebi is the strongest Pokemon in the world, OH I believe Mewtwo would be pissed at that line, its like someone saying that they are the strongest there is, you are just asking for a ass whupping, Ass and co try to stop Celebi from engulfing the planet with its CG ness, Suicune turns up, in all his blandness, come on guys the Legend of Raikou special was better than this ... more I think about it any special without Ass in is better, Watch Pokemon Origins its the most amazing thing I have seen out of the pokemonverse ... besides those cool animated trailers for Black/White 2.

I take it back, I kinda like this guy, Though, how does he see? He looks like a Lucha Dore

Anyway, using CGICUNES help they free Celebi from the clutches of villainy and the nasty nest thing falls apart, WTF is it actually meant to be, someone told me it was meant to be a Celebi ... i just don't see it, because the CGI is so bad I always mistook it for a shredded wheat or something ... IT LOOKS AWFUL, why is it in my movie, Celebi dries up like a prune because the plot demanded it and all these Celebis come through time to heal it, not before Suicune has to purify the lake .... obviously it fails tremendously because ... Suicune sucks, I dunno. Celebi is resurrected and Sam returns to his bland sepia toned period of time. Ass calls up the professor telling him what happened ... why didn't he just say it was him, WHAT a terrible way to shoe horn him in, oh yeah he did f*** all to the story. OH and the hunter guy from team rocket gets butt raped by Pokemon in the forest, he had it all and a plan and dark balls and he still screwed up, id say join another team but ... they all suck, especially team flare, so miss leading

WHAT EVEN IS THAT THING, besides being part of a complete breakfast

My score for this atrocious waste of time 2/10, why 2? because some of the battles are cool and the concept is cool, but its executed poorly and quite frankly I will not be watching it ever again ... not even out of curiosity, as for the short, I don't think I could even sit through that ... thanks movie, thanks a lot.

also 14% on rotten tomatoes you guys are too soft, Oh Arceus why did I watch this 

Saturday 20 February 2016

Pokemon - Mixed Messages The Movie

OK before i start i want to state that the THOR review is coming, Marvel month, kinda disappeared and i will be doing a Deadpool review, i kinda don't want to though because to me, it was what I wanted to see, Deadpool being Deadpool. RIGHT POKEMON, SO I'll run this along side marvel reviews .... screw the month thing its not gonna happen XD

The poster, was WAAAAAY too busy

So a lot of you probably don't know, I'm a 90's kid, so all these 'Monster catching animes' came out during 90's and start of the 2000's. what are 'Monster catching animes'? well - Pokemon, Digimon, Monster Rancher, Card Captors, Dinosaur King etc, To be fair only 2 of those I followed religiously ... try and guess them. So as you could imagine when they announced a Pokemon movie, my brain exploded. WOW a Pokemon movie with new Pokemon i cant wait for it, so i got my popcorn and drink and free cards (Oh yes back when they ACTUALLY gave you promo cards at movies) saying that i think we were late to it or something, I missed the reveal of Snubull and Marill, two of my faves, but its cool they said there names enough so I got the jist of it. From what i can remember i enjoyed the movie ... but i was a dumb little kid at the time i would have enjoyed Pokemon if it was mentioned on the weather or some shit. Looking back at it now ... the first movie sucks, its not as god awful as some of the others and believe me some are shite but the first movie was just ... sucky, it was OK its their first one and at least they rectified it for the 2nd and 3rd movies.

Besides Pokemon i have to admit, Digimon is the best, didn't like the others

Anyway, the story, which i think is actually pretty cool is the origin of MEWTWO, from what i hear we got a butchered version from the Japanese version, The west getting a butchered version of an anime? UNHEARD OF. It starts of with scientists apparently working for Team Rocket, basically the terrorists of the Pokemon world .... until Teams Magma/Aqua ... getting ahead of myself here. They discover a  MEW fossil, the rarest and most illusive of all the Pokemon, 151 can learn every god damn move .... and looks like a foetus ... ew, I'm not gonna lie i didn't notice this as a kid (Dumb little 10yr old remember) They ... though its not explained very well attempt to clone mew, and as a result make MEWTWO on feb 6th ... how do i know the exact date? well it was in the game so it has to be true. MEWTWO throws a shit fit, burns the scientists to bite sized chicken nuggets and blows up the island, Giovanni the dick cheese controlling Team Rocket ... doesn't exactly capture it just 'befriends' it, that annoyed me in the show, team rocket always had a plan to catch Pokemon in nets or whatever, granted they were after PIKACHU all the time ... why, ugh whatever. And they never threw a F***** Pokeball at these things, isn't that how it works you want a Pokemon you battle it you catch it. Same with the legendaries, i want it lets use a big net ... WTF.

That armour though, so cool :D

Giovanni uses MEWTWO in his ... ground type ... gym, BUT he wipes the floor with Gary, ha that's funny. MEWTWO a philosophical douche always questions 'WHY AM I HERE, WHAT IS MY PURPOSE' he's a clone, i get it but COME ON, stop hammering it in I get it, move on. He escapes Giovanni and ditches his rad armour, he returns to the island he blew up and vows revenge on humanity, MEWTWO STRIKES BACK. We open on everyones favourite Pokemon master, ASH KETCHUM, he sucks, i wish they went all bad-ass on it and chose red instead of this cum-stain, ugh anyway i have a main gripe with the intro battle, some douchcicle turns up called Raymond, i always called him pirate guy, He has a new pokemon DONPHAN, A ground type, ash, being the idiot that he is never bothers to check his dex ... but that's not the gripe, he uses his PIKACHU on a GOLEM which is immune to electrical attacks ... yet it faints, WTF, how is that even possible, this isn't the Brocks ONIX bullshit where the sprinklers weakened his ONIX no no, this is just pure bullshit ... or if we are being faithful to the material, TAUROS SHIT. Ofc he beats him, he can beat any trainer but as soon as he comes up against the pokemon league he looses ... what. He gets an invitation from an obvious nurse joy in disguise that tells him to come to 'New island' and take part in the ULTIMATE BATTLE OF THE POKEMONS' ... or something along those lines, The DRAGONITE that sent the message takes it back, Team rocket stop him from returning thus making a paradox in the movie .... I'm more concerned how strong fricking Jessie is, she stopped DRAGONITE with a frying pan, this thing can fly at speeds in the mach area of speeds. DAAAAAAAAAAMMMMNN Woman.

Its confirmed that Jessie is a fairy type pokemon, 5 generations early

They arrive at a port of some kind but realise that the ferry that was going to take them to said island is cancelled due to bad weather, thanks MEWTWO, So some trainers decided F*** IT we are using our Pokemon to get there, but one thing bothered me as a kid, a trainer with a FEAROW is seen flying off but never seen again, i like to think he thought 'Screw this, I'm off to catch myself a legendary bird' After a brief and somewhat ... racist? encounter with team rocket the krew, finds themselves at new island, well done guys you all get a gold star. They are instructed to release all there Pokemon to show this new trainer and ... this bugged me too, Ash the main protagonist only sends out his BULBASAUR and SQUIRTLE, When we all know he still has CHARIZARD (Who to be fair, was only a bad-ass because he was a dick) and PIDGEOTTO. The fact that everyone else, lets face it here have much better Pokemon, Corey, the dude with the VENUSAUR may be my fave team every, albeit the 2 needless ground type Pokemon, BUT STILL COOL and His obvious PIDGEOT nicknamed PIDGEOTTO (its the only way i can make sense of that scene) Fergus with his all water type team .... apart from NIDOQUEEN ... maybe it knows surf i dunno and Neesha. who has a pretty cool team too, They all meet MEWTWO for the first time and they are amazed that its a Pokemon and not a trainer.

CLONES ARE BAD ... so is fighting ... apparently 

They all battle MEWTWO's clone Pokemon, VENUSAUR, CHARIZARD, BLASTOISE, and not gonna lie, the coolest Pokemon in the movie, the designs are F****** Amaze. They battle the non clones, and ofcourse they loose, Obviously they have been glitched thanks MISSINGNO. (most famous glitch in history come on guys) Then MEWTWO clones the other Pokemon, disables any special moves and basically just makes them kick the crap out of themselves. MEW the Pokemon from the beginning appears to fight MEWTWO and from there its one crappy pop song and ash dying and then MEWTWO wiping everyone's memory making everything we have just had rammed down our gullets a complete waste of time .... but who cares, this is where my mind lost it as a kid, my dad was asleep and Yeaaaaaaaaaahhh i can see why, its not the strongest because .... nothing happens, MEWTWO Shows up throws a shit-fit then goes, ooh fighting is bad? I'm not gonna make the point because everyone has already but whatever, a series based on fighting little monsters against each other telling us that fighting is wrong ... whut? that makes no sense and still doesn't. UGH thank god for Pokemon 2000 and Pokemon The Movie 3

UGH STILL THE COOLEST POKEMON EVER, screw you god Pokemon I'm sticking with MEWTWO

OMG I Totally forgot about this scene, tbh i just laughed my ass off at how stupid it was

I suppose I should do a quick review on PIKACHU's vacation the short that aired before this movie ... it sucked, Saying that the new additions were cool SNUBBULL and MARILL (Not PIKABLU) are cute as shit and are still my faves to this day, but it suuuuuuuuuuuuuucks, CHARIZARD is a dick, he gets his head stuck they all work together to help him instead of fighting THE END 

The short sucked, the new Pokemon did not, how could you say no to that face :3

So out of 10? 4/10 a solid 4 probably because of the nostalgia but it sucks pure and simple, mixed messages and a dumb story, though MEWTWO is still a bad-ass and them damn Gen 2 Pokemon, Now try and guess the next movie I hate.

At least I found a perfect representation of how watching the movie felt like