I also realise that i have done one other review that isn't star wars but i feel i must get this out of my system. SO, why do they suck? Having just recently re-watched them all (Thank you force awakens) I can totally justify why i was scared of episode 7 sucking a big one. I'm not going to address every issue with the prequels because there are too many and people already know them but i will say this, If Jar Jar binks wasn't saved then there wouldn't be a galactic empire but then we wouldn't have witnessed the sequels which again, they aren't perfect but they are certainly a f*** ton better than the prequels. Looking back on them i really do feel its just the story and the general feel of it all you have to remember it had been a while since the supposed last star-wars was made. As a kid it confused me to no end, why make episodes 4,5,6 and not 1,2,3 ... i mean we see why now but hey. I still remember when 'The Phantom Menace' was released. i also had a favourite character ... needless to say i have revoked his favourite status and replaced him with a Droid, i am still ashamed and i cant actually bring myself to utter his name, i was young and reckless, maybe it was the wooden acting funnily enough though not from the British actors they seem to do the job right (Apart from nick fury as a Jedi ... come on it makes sense, he survives the fall looses his good eye and moves to earth, ITS PERFECT) you know the ones i mean, Ewan Mcgregor, Christopher Lee and Palpatine (Dont know his earthican name) they all did amazing its just the american actors ... though i will never deny Natalie Portmans hotnicity :3
Easily the best part of this movie and even that sucks, its good for about 2 minutes ...
What else sucks? well as previously mentioned id say the over use of CGI, this is a 1999 film after all, CGI was in every film you could imagine to which it got to a point where directors thought 'f*** the story the CGI will lure the punters in' that's why we got such masterpieces as Godzilla, Independence Day and Lost in space. Heinous movies with even worse CGI. Maybe it was a industry standard of the time or maybe it was just lazy writing either way it sucked and therefore the movies to follow would suck. SO phantom menace is it as terrible as people really say it is, is it a god damn abomination and should be destroyed with fire? my opinion ... no, that goes to attack of the clones, whether it is nostalgia or just my juvenile brain fueling this but i'm going to say no, its terrible and downright boring/confusing at times but nothing compared to attack of the clones, there's just .... nothing to it i mean at least something happened in phantom menace granted it wasn't great but it was better than this snore-fest delivered to us on a CGI platter. The one saving grace of attack of the clones i feel is of-course the wonderful Christopher lee as 'Count Dooku' (wait is his Sith name Darth Dooku? ... that's hilarious) he seems to be the only actually giving a crap about the film, at least we traded Jake Lloyd for Hayden Christensen .... granted its not much of an upgrade but anything is better than Lloyd.
Look at his smile, how could you say no to him, hes a Vampire, Wizard, Sith ... what a fantastic actor
So phantom menace and attack of the clones really sucked but surprisingly i actually really liked revenge of the sith, again its not a masterpeice (come to think of it none of them really are) but at least it was better than the other two. Darth dooku unfortunatley dies... rather abruptly i might add, Anakin begins to turn more emo in this, trying to save padme's life. Which lets face it we arent at all arsed what happens between these two characters their romance is as wooden as a unvarnished table. We are all just lying in wait for the 'New Hope' more hammy acting and really really horribly bad dialogue from main characters BUT if i had to choose between the 3 this one would win, to me it feels more like an actual starwars movie not some hard to understand politcal drama in space, revenge of the sith did something we had all been waiting for, actual f****** star wars, finally space battles, lightsabres, thats not to say that the others lacked light sabre battles, we had Qui-gon jin and Obi wan square off against Darth Maul (Which made me think, if Darth means 'In' as in Darth Vader/ Invader and Darth Sidious/ Insidious then that does that make Darth Maul? Inmaul?) Darth Dooku vs Yoda. But revenge of the sith there were so many Sabre battles my inner child cant get enough, Anakin vs Darth Dooku, Obi Wan vs General Grevious and of-course the cream of the crop, Yoda vs Palpatine, ugh its beautiful its like the Sistine chapel for geeks. It by no means saves the movie but it makes it stand out a bit more than the others. I could honestly just go on and on about the prequels, its weird growing up with the shitty movies and discovering that there better movies out there. With star wars though its the expanded universe i love the most, the video games, the comics, the novels ... which arent canon now ... thanks George, least that means the star wars holiday special isn't canon now ... like it ever was anyway
He still looks stupid, whats with the eyes? i know hes a Sith but hes still human ... or Tatooinian
OH MAN i almost forgot the shittiest bit of acting from one of the child actors in Revenge of the Sith, granted they are children but MAN was that line delivered poorly, I'm not going to say which one because lets face it, you probably already know ...
No more star wars now ... i promise, UNLESS all the planets align and for some odd reason i decide to do the sequels ...
Episode 2 is hilarious, you could probably get everything you needed from the poster and not bother with the movie.
Over-all score, 6/10 ... Im being generous here guys, if it wasn't for ep3 then all hope is lost ;)
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